Dharmafrog

Ant Rant

This time last year, teeny tiny ants decided to wage war on my kitchen. So, I did what all renters do, I told our landlords and they came over on a day when the little darlings decided to call in sick. Without calling me crazy or asking for a urine sample, they politely told me that using vaseline all around the seams in the window, (the obvious point of entry?) will stop them from coming in. Yes! It worked! Success! No more ants!

Until this Monday.

I gloved up and smeared vaseline on all the window and cabinet seams again, whispering death threats under my breath.

I woke up Tuesday morning with more ants! What the what? I had no clue where they were coming from, even when I interrogated one of the ants, he gave me no information as to where his base of operations were located.

I can’t let them survive, you see? I have a mission to eradicate their species. I grew up in Arizona where they are everywhere. Ants are beasts from hell, and have to be stopped.

I have fought their kind before, I know that if you follow their trail line it will lead to the breach in your perimeter. Looking as crazy as I felt, I sat and watched and waited, “taking out” each ant, and discovered that they were coming from between the stove and counter top, leading to under the stove! AH HA! While making dinner I had an idea that just might work!
ANT BAITS WITH ANT POISON IN THEM!

I don’t like killing insects or using toxic anything, if I don’t have to, but right now is a “have to” kind of situation. So I announced at dinner with wild hair (as usual) and eyes,
“I AM GOING TO GO GET ANT MURDERING SUPPLIES!” And understanding the urgency in my “announcement”, and scared I’m sure, my guys just nodded.

At 9pm CST while the devil’s minions slept in their comfy dirt beds, I set out deadly yummy traps under the stove. (out of reach and sight of my children and puppy)

Wednesday morning, I wasn’t even mad to see that the ants still preferred my counter tops to the more fitting 90 degree outside environment. I just prayed for their little ant souls and squished them with a baby wipe.

Hopefully, as they dine on random crumbs and poison spiked kool aid from my deadly yummy traps, they will see the error in their ways and vow to be less evil-disgusting-pest-like in their next lives.

R.I.P. ANTS!